Written on April 5, 2015
Look at me. I did it. Forty-six long, cold, and dreary days and nights of fasting. It was probably one of the most hardest and emotional self-journey experiences I’ve ever faced. If you truly knew what I’ve gone through and the thorns that struck me, you’ll rejoice and appreciate my invisible flower crown, too.
THIS IS MY JOURNEY OF MY 46 DAY FAST: SACRIFICES AND TESTIMONY
REMOVAL OF ALCOHOL
On many occasions, my joy was robbed and I was on the verge of losing my mind. My only medicine to suppress my insanity was alcohol. It healed me temporarily and allowed me to escape my issues. In fact, it was my doctor that took care of me (I least I thought so). It band aided my wounds of anger, pain, betrayal, confusion and even misery. It made me feel oh so good, yet act so low.
REMOVAL OF MEAT (beef, turkey, pork, chicken)
As much as I love a medium rare fire grilled steak, a crispy beef frank, maple syrup bacon, and an 8 count of Old Bay fried chicken wings with a side of smoked turkey collard greens, I had to let them all go. 😦 For 1) they were weighing down my body 2) controlling my energy 3)and dictating my emotions and moods.
Why did I participate in a 46 day fast? Well, it’s simple. I wanted to build a relationship with GOD. I wanted to lean on him, rather on food and alcohol, to guide me through my issues. I wasn’t sure if my sacrifices would be permanent, but it was worth losing them for a while in order to express my full commitment to learning.
I was hungry, as hell. Seriously, there were days of pure starvation. I would cry my ass off for a burger. But I didn’t give in. Instead, I cursed out my boyfriend and had the least bit of patience for bullshit (I apologized for my behavior.) I had anxiety attacks and my face and chest was breaking out badly. I had begun to feel so low and small that I just wanted to throw in the towel. Not only was I hungry, I could barely recognize myself anymore-physically and emotionally. But then one day, the sun peaked out with a glowing rainbow and birds chirping a soft melody not to far ahead. That’s when things took a turn.
When I finally took off my protective layers that shield me from life, I was able to experience my moments of clarity.
- I learned that I was the center of my pain. I was torturing myself with inflicted pain that caused me to self-doubt my abilities and questioned my faith.
- I was taught how to pray with my tongue and a pen. Everything that I needed, I asked. Anything I didn’t understand, I asked for guidance. And in the end, I received.
- I learned how to remove my invisible shades that often concealed a person and/or a circumstance’s true identity. I was able to see deeper and more clearly with my naked eyes.
- Moreover, I learned that every situation doesn’t calls for a battle and every battle doesn’t need a victory. Therefore, I learned how to walk away and allow him to fight my battle.
- In addition, I was reminded that art, writing, and exercising was my therapy, not alcohol. Each one of them allowed me to escape the demands of the world.
- Sometimes, I got so caught up with the daily acts of life that I forgot to say, “thank you.” Not just for my blessings but for my trials and tribulations, too. All of my experiences, good or bad, allowed me to be understood and the ability to understand others. Therefore, I learned the power of my words- thank you.
- I was reminded that my imperfections made me perfect.
- But most importantly, I learned that every little thing was going to be alright.
I am a work in progress and wouldn’t change a thing about my journey. I rose from thorns to wearing colorful flower crowns.