30 Notes Before 30 | April 4, 2016

dear god,
i pray that you heal the hearts that are shattered with pain and confusion as their loved one has transitioned into a different life. i pray that you transform the heartache into a celebration of a gracious life. i pray for peace in their days that lies ahead.
now, god, thank you for giving others a second and third time with life.
this morning while i sat at my desk at work watching a webinar, i received a call from my momma. her voice was cracking. she didn’t sound like herself. i knew whatever it was it couldn’t be good. i held back the tears because the last thing I wanted was for someone to have pity for me. but they came streaming down as she broke the news. my sleeves became damped as I washed away each tear. the news was a declaration of life and death. a combination of thanksgiving and sadness. for a moment mrs. hayden saw the light, but god saw it fit to send her back. her work here on earth is yet to be done.
how can this translate into my life? just because i’m living doesn’t mean i’m alive. help me to discover what fills my bucket. allow it to overflow. i want to live a life i love daily. for when i’m gone you’ll say, job well done. these are my growing pains.
[These are my open notes that I’ve hidden from the world. Over the next month, I am making them public until my birthday on April 14th.]


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