“Today you are you that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”
Back in February, I sent a text to all of my very close family and friends requesting a list of words to describe me.
I patiently anticipated their responses with the slightest clue on what to expect because I can be kind of “cray cray” at times. They all have experienced every piece of me–the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Take my sister and brother for an example. Those two are the love of my life. Even though they’re way older than me, we still manage to have a strong bond. Of course, we fuss and fight and I can be quite annoying as a little sister, but they know me. I mean really KNOW me. They’ve seen my growth from a girl to a woman. I just had to know what they thought of me.
My Mr….He had to describe me too. But I had to make it very clear to him to be as HONEST as possible. No sugar-coating. I didn’t need him stepping on eggshells with this one.
My BFFs-Val, Gaye, Jada, and Shante. These girls are my soul sisters. We have been through it all. They have seen pieces of me that makes me always question, “Why are y’all still my friend?” I’m far from perfect and like many of us I can be a real monster at times. So I needed to hear from them. And honey, those girls tell it like it is…whether I want to hear it or not. I was sure to get candid feedback.
Next, I sent a text to two of my linesisters, Shamay and Taryn. Now, I knew Shamay was going to keep it real. She was going to let me have it, for sure. Taryn, on the other hand, was going to politely address my characteristics in the least offensive way while still being very honest. I couldn’t wait to read their list.
After receiving a quick turnaround of responses from everyone, I quickly jotted them down in my journal. I was able to hone in on WHO I was and HOW I was around my family and friends.
Here is what they had to say. (Words with an asterisk * mark means it was said more than once.)
- Adventurous (sometimes)
- Old madish
Ok, I won’t lie. I was a bit disappointed with myself from some of their responses.
Come on now, “Self-centered, Worrisome, Naïve, and Selfish.” I hated to have those words on my list. I thought I had out grown that
stage. And they’re telling me NO? I’m convinced that they must be talking about some late 90’s shit or something. I AM NOT SELFISH. (Or am I?) WORRISOME, THOUGH? That must’ve been a joke. Hmmph.
Today was my first time reading my list since February. It reminded me that the good out weighed the bad and that I’m a work in progress.
My old class use to chant this song:
GOOD. BETTER. BEST
Never let it rest.
Until your good gets better
Your better is BEST.
I guess I just have to do better now that I know better.
Hold up! Let me explain something, we all have our crazy, evil and weak sides about us, right? That’s human nature. So as low as I feel whenever stones are thrown at me, such as my mood swings or attitude. I cheer myself up by saying “Carissa, there is no need to beat your self up about it. Just do better to be your best.” It allows me to take ownership of my behavior, right away. Most importantly, it reminds me that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be perfect.
In retrospect, the list made me appreciate and accept ME. Me as A lover, A believer, A realist, A true friend and A human with flaws.
I’ll keep striving to do BETTER and work on being my very BEST!